When the Mayans said that the world would end on December 21st, 2012, I wasn’t much of a believer; but just in case, I thought I better squeeze in one more trip to Las Vegas before the apocalypse would rob me of another opportunity to prove the existence of the horseshoe.
I’m speaking of course of the lucky horseshoe (according to local household legend) that is firmly implanted up my posterior. Some are lucky in life, some lucky in love, and I seem to be lucky in Las Vegas. If the world were to end, a thousand years from now I envision my smiling skeleton lying under a pile of Bellagio chips and a future paleontologist saying “Hey! How do you think that horseshoe got in there?”
If the world ends, my money's on Caesars Palace to survive
The third weekend of December (the weekend that immediately preceded the end of the world) was perfect. The college football bowl games would be starting on that Saturday and the NFL games on Sunday would give a once-in-an-end-of-the-world opportunity to go out of this earthy life with head high and horseshoe intact.
Thanks to frequent flyer miles, my flight cost me $7... Round trip shuttle from the airport $13 (great tip to avoid the $20 cab fare each way)… and a cheap room at Planet Hollywood made the trip very affordable. The most expensive part of the trip was the parking in Atlanta.
As with every trip to Las Vegas, I learned something new: When the bartender at the sportsbook gives you a tip, bet on it. It all happened like this…
I arrived late Friday night, ran into my co-conspirator Clark, and headed to the MGM Grand. It was the last weekend of the National Rodeo Finals and the casino was filled with cowboy hats and lots of leather. At the sportsbook, all the TV’s were tuned to the rodeo. I asked a nearby cowboy “How do you bet on this? They’re all named Cody!” After playing cards with a table made up entirely of cowpokes from Abilene, Texas, this Greenhorn reckon’d he would mosey on back and retire for the night.
The breakfast buffet is a must for me. Linger, eat lots of carbs, and fill up on coffee. As the day went on, the three pounds I gained would be all that I gained throughout the day. I couldn’t win to save my life. At one point, I swore that the loud ‘clanking’ sound I heard was that of the horseshoe dislodging and rolling down South Las Vegas Boulevard. I felt as if I were shadowboxing the apocalypse… wandering the land.*
The Horseshoe fell out right about here...
Then came Sunday... While watching the NFL games at the Bellagio, a great tip came my way. I was rebounding very well from the day before and was surrounded by my co-conspirator Clark on one side and Larry from Flagstaff on the other. Larry, who I had never met before that day, was a pretty humorous character that brought some interesting insight to the day. He and his wife were quite opinionated about the ‘big’ night game… New England at home against San Francisco. New England was a 4 ½ point favorite, and the money was flying into the book in favor of the Patriots. Larry was convinced that New England was the ‘lock’ of the day.
During our heated discussion, I realized that my beer was empty. The bartender, Vic, said “Lance… want another beer?” “Of course!” I said. Vic got stuck in a conversation with another bartender, and the delay in delivering my beer was unusual, but somewhat unnoticed due to the ongoing dialogue. Vic apologized and at last brought my beer. At this point, the other bartender waved me close as he leaned over the bar… “Sorry man” he said “I kept Vic from getting you your beer.” “No problem!” I smiled calmly and waved it off. He motioned me closer and said under his breath “Take San Francisco and the Money Line”. He then whispered “Don’t spread that around!”
To bet on the Money Line means to wager on a team regardless of the point spread. An underdog, like San Francisco, pays about 2 to 1 with that kind of line. I scurried off to make the wager. When I got back to my seat, Clark and Larry were perplexed… “Where did you go? What did you bet on?” I let them in on the secret… I took SF. “Huh? What? EVERYONE is taking New England!” They were stunned.
Lobby at the Bellagio... paid for by people who have a "system" for roulette
San Francisco won 41-34. The horseshoe was firmly back in its rightful place. The world can end now. I flew back on Monday ready to face the day of reckoning head on.
Friday, December 21st, 2012, came and went without a whisper of calamity. Like the late night television preacher in the polyester suit and fake hair, the Mayans didn’t quite get it right. That’s OK though. Sometimes it takes an impending apocalypse to just get out and do something fun… Like taking the horseshoe for a little ride through Las Vegas.
* “Shadowboxing the apocalypse… wandering the land” is a lyric from the Grateful Dead’s "Esau’s Brother". A very fitting theme.
Another fortuitous bet at the sports book! Maybe not quits as astounding as last year's "first score will be a safety" bet, but once again Lance wins the day.
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